Today we try: Queen Majesty's Red Habanero & Black Coffee hot sauce. We're pairing it with our first watch of Terrorbytes! The Habanero & Coffee sauce has been a long time favourite of mine. It's a shame the price has essentially doubled from when I started buying it, so I don't get it as often any more. Price aside (a lot of sauces with hotter peppers, or that see mainstream success are expensive for no real reason), it has a near perfect mix of ingredients. Coffee, red bell peppers, habaneros (the most versatile and best pepper on the planet, slightly edging out 7-Pots), onions and garlic. A lot of sauces claim they're good on everything and this one has the taste to back it up. From breakfast foods to the delicious chili oil focaccia pizza I made, it's well rounded and tasty as hell. I do wish it was a little hotter, though. For the Red Habanero & Black Coffee sauce, we're giving it:

Directed by: Adam Wingard Starring: Adria Arjona, Dan Stevens, Eric Wareheim Go Horror Rating: B The story is a bit of a mushy banana but I'll cut it some slack because the 80's aesthetic was well done with proper aggression, and beefy villains. I reckon it was very entertaining but I would've been happier with more gore and a more sustained intensity from the super-soldiers. You throw this movie on the 2nd half of a double-header and it fits perfectly. If you're looking for depth then you won't find it in this movie, but on the surface as an action-horror, it delivers deliciously.

Directed by: Jorma Taccone Starring: Jason Segel, Samara Weaving, Timothy Olyphant Go Horror Rating: B Taccone, of 'Hot Rod' and 'MacGruber' fame, really brought this together nicely with some crisp writing, elevated by an awesome cast. Aptly seasoned with both comedy and suspense, we also get plenty of blood and fucked up moments. Weaving, as per usual, is an absolute gem. Olyphant is a fun, badder bad guy. It's a top notch, popcorn horror and makes you realize your own marriage ain't half bad!

Directed by: Nikias Chryssos Starring: Sandra Guldberg Kampp, Elina Lowensohn, Tracy Gotoas Go Horror Rating: A It seems like we're in the minority for loving this movie but this sinister and weird euro-horror, absolutely hit the mark. It was without a doubt creative, atmospheric, violent and ominous. We've read reviews harping on the story or underdeveloped characters but that's total horseshit. If you want originality and something that feels Argento-like, with a savory conclusion... watch it!

Directed by: Eli Roth Starring: Ari Millen, Charlie Zeltzer, Shiloh O'Reilly Go Horror Rating: D Fucking atrocious. It's not even fun-atrocious like the movie 'Cooties' or something of the sort, it's insultingly bad. I'm mad because every review warned me that it was bad and I watched it anyway. I wish I had the Neuralyzer from MiB so I can forget the entire ordeal. We also have to stop pretending that Roth is a good director/producer/actor or whatever. He deserves his cake for Hostel, Green Inferno and even Knock Knock but since the late 2010's he's progressively gotten worse. Don't watch this movie unless you're having a great day and for some reason want to ruin it.

Directed by: Kevin Lewis Starring: Rainey Qualley, Shane West, Shiloh Fernandez Go Horror Rating: C I don't typically rag on pacing but this one took a little to really start simmering. The trauma to folklore part is fine, it's reasonably effective, and it's decently disturbing. Pretty good gore and atmosphere but the story is a bit crazy and the acting sometimes leaves a bland taste in your mouth. Still, I think it was worth watching.

Directed by: David Robert Mitchell Starring: Anne Hathaway, Ewan McGregor, Maisy Stella Go Horror Rating: C Aside from a bit of a retro feel and a nice cast, this movie was pretty unremarkable. The mystery itself felt hollow and the mix of family drama and sci-fi wasn't very well blended. I didn't find it particularly intense and I'd rather watch any Jurassic Park movie over this, even the bad ones. It's not to full out drop kick this film because I do think it was a good watch, I'd just recommend going in with low expectations.

Directed by: Renee Zhan, RZA, Ernest R. Dickerson, Flying Lotus, Tobias Forge, David Moreau Starring: Jihad Brent, Neela Jolene, Elie Kaempfen Go Horror Rating: C What the fuck are we even doing with this series any more? This is a generous 'C' because there was some good to it and I'm all about the metal, so 'Premature Burial', the music video portion, while out of place, was kind of rad. I love Gwar as much as the next dude but they overstayed their welcome throughout the movie. I could see a small intro, or have them properly 'in' a segment, but not whatever the hell this weird, not funny MC thing was. 'Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance' sucked. It was pointless, it felt like a cheap haunted house that you're disappointed even spending $10 to get into. A story that made zero sense and flashing lights, with completely cheese acting. How do you waste a Barbara Crampton appearance?! Terrible segment, one of the worst in the entire series. 'Heartbeat' was effective, it's just too bad David Moreau is a piece of shit human being. Doubly sucks because he has an awesome resume, but whatever.. fuck him. The segment IS good and pretty gut wrenching. The idea was awesome and it carried perfectly to a very satisfying end. 'The Music of Mr. Sze' didn't land for me at all. The idea was really dull, and the acting was worse (aside from Mr. Sze). The monster and end result? Come on... 'Another Cabin' was pretty decent. A little funny and a gloomy sort of 'payback's a bitch' story. I enjoyed it and it was certainly the perfect length to make it memorable. 'Death Tone' again suffered from some weak acting but overall the segment was pretty good. My issue is it felt too polished and the idea wasn't overly thought out. A few lame kills, a few good ones, and a pretty good studio setting which was appealing to the eye. I just seemed to distant from what the VHS franchise is supposed to feel like.

Directed by: Jane Schoenbrun Starring: Hannah Einbinder, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Fix Go Horror Rating: B This one's a bit conflicting for me as far as my overall enjoyment of the movie. Schoenbrun is clearly an awesome director but I think I might like 'I Saw the TV Glow' a smidge more than Miasma. Look, there's plenty of fear, queer, and scenes to cheer, but I didn't find that this movie hit that next level. It's wacky and witty and to be completely honest, I'm not really smart enough for films like this, but I loved the idea and execution. It's intimate, psychological and a little funny at the right moments. And really, who the fuck doesn't love Gillian Anderson? Little Death and even the soundtrack were awesome. I loved it, but for me it's just missing a little something that I can't quite put my finger on.

Directed by: Raymond Creamer Starring: Samantha Robinson, Colleen Foy, Zoe Renee Go Horror Rating: C This movie gets a 'C' mainly due to a convincing performance by Collen Foy. Other than that, it felt a little under-seasoned and in the end, also felt like a Temu Mike Flanagan movie. The story was fine and it had some nice visuals. I was even sold on most of the setting and idea, I just felt the script and delivery to be irritating most of the time. Tolerable, not 'beautiful'.