Review - The Long Night (2022)

Directed by: Rich Ragsdale

Starring: Scout Taylor-Compton, Nolan Gerard Funk, Deborah Kara Unger

Go Horror Rating: D

An absolute chore to get through, and that's putting it lightly. There were maybe a handful of times throughout the whole movie where I thought 'Enh, that was kinda cool'. The rest was shambles. I don't want to bury Scout Taylor-Compton's performance (as Grace) because I genuinely think she tried. At times she was effective but being at the mercy of a terrible script and story, she just flailed around and hoped for the best. Nolan Gerard Funk (as Jack) may go down as having the worst performance in a horror movie of 2022. Seriously, he's emotionless and irritating and he was way too 'grabby' with his on-screen flame.

The demon-culty-people were more calming than scary. Finger pointing and the overuse of sound effects didn't help their cause either. Their numbers seemed to replenish at-will but they also seemed to bounce between fragile and inhuman. Punch one in the face? Down and out for the rest of the movie. Shoot one twice? Pfft... flesh wound. Stab and shoot some of them in close quarters? Finally, dead! Scream at them really loud? Same result, somehow. Grace also cuts her feet and somehow sets the world record for bandage stability. It never leaked, it never came off, and in scenes where she remembered to limp and flop around, that thing stayed on snug-as-a-bug.

This movie never figured itself out and not even Jeff Fahey or Deborah Kara Unger could save it.

Oh and PS: I'm pretty sure "6 years of catholic school" doesn't teach you to decrypt satanic/occult books.